The content of this article is published for entertainment purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, or tax advice. Please consult a qualified professional before proceeding with any investment decision.
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say.
Nah, fuck that. I've weaned off antidepressants over the last two months, and it's J.T. against the world right now. This shit's gonna be as authentic as it can be. My heart's as big as the sky and it's about to explode. I've returned to Emotionland at the most fucking hilarious time. And I am laughing at the top of my lungs.
Apparently, bitcoin crossed a threshold and now it's everywhere again. Headlines, social posts, texts from old friends. Even the old people want to talk to me. Why now? Who knows. $40,000 is as arbitrary as any number. But the signal is here and it is unmistakable.
Bitcoin's back and this time, it's returned with no regrets, no apologies, and no forgiveness. Orange is the new black, and beginning today through the rest of your shitty ass life, I and the rest of the bitcoiners in your circle will be insufferable.
We aren't insufferable because we've won, our number went up, or anything hollow like that. We're insufferable because we're happy. Happiness in the 21st century is a sin, or so the powers that be will tell you. We're happy because we tried to tell you why it was worth your time to look into bitcoin all along. We tried our damnedest.
We tried to tell you fiat currency was dogshit.
We tried to tell you there's a reason you can't afford a house.
We tried to tell you there's a reason you can't afford groceries.
We tried to tell you printing money raises prices.
We tried to tell you the working poor have been fucked for decades.
We tried to tell you central bankers and politicians have been saddling future generations with debt to protect their penguin jobs and mid six-figure salaries.
We tried to tell you their comeuppance was coming.
We tried to tell you we can't fix the system from the inside. We have to build another one.
We tried to tell you the media, academics, and economists are mostly here to enforce a caste system and keep you poor.
We tried to tell you SBF wasn't the CEO of bitcoin.
We tried to tell you a lot of things, but you called us scammers, energy hogs, terrorists, and evildoers.
We tried to tell you bitcoin has no heroes.
We tried to tell you bitcoin doesn't need a middleman.
We tried to tell you bitcoin has a finite supply, 21 million.
We tried to tell you you can own a fraction of a bitcoin.
We tried to tell you bitcoin has no peers and there is no comparison.
We tried to tell you about bitcoin. You just didn't listen.
That shit's on you. Grow some ears. Do some yoga, brush up on your stoic philosophy, or whatever the thing is nowadays.
Over here, we have stepped into an eternal thread. Now, the tables have turned. As much as we bitcoiners want to headbang to the solo in Free Bird right now, we have to sit here, wait patiently, and twiddle our thumbs while you process your pain through the five stages of grief.
Anger: They should have made me listen.
Bargaining: Maybe I'll find the next bitcoin (you won't).
Depression: We're all doomed anyway.
Acceptance: Holy fucking shit. This is the realness and this all had to happen.
This is not financial advice. This is not investment advice. This is life advice. Stop looking for other people to solve your problems. Stop sucking on the government teat. Take some ownership over your goddamn life for once.
I tell you this now because most of you still don't want to know. You see bitcoin but it ain't bitcoin at all. You're chasing a quick buck — it's the symptom of the disease. You've built a life around money that's vaporware. A central banker could print more of it anytime they want if you look at them cross-eyed long enough. And you only see what's right in front of you. Look to the side or you will never escape the hamster wheel.
So instead, I'll say this: don't buy bitcoin. It's too late now. Stay the hell away from it. I hope you miss out on the greatest fucking trend of our time. If you don't know bitcoin by now, you will never ever ever know it.
That is, unless you're ready. Ready to shut the fuck up and kill your ego and everything that comes with it. Ready to do your own research. Ready to find out what freedom really is and not just the meme. Ready to stop asking permission and reach your potential.
Only then will you learn. Until then, my friends and I can't help you. Until then, we're sorry but we tried to tell you. Please go back to lip-syncing TikTok videos. The condescension will continue until humility improves.
Maybe we've lost our damn minds, but we got you right where we want you. Send a postcard to the moon.
The content of this article is published for entertainment purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, or tax advice. Please consult a qualified professional before proceeding with any investment decision.
Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash
Tip some bitcoin (even though I know you don't have any)
Bitcoin: 36pCNvC1Gjg2JG9aqUeAY5aZvZx6tF56fC
Lightning: https://getalby.com/p/jtwoodhouse